Realization

It hits me

It hits me like a ton of bricks

I realize that I've loved a phantom

I loved an ideal

I've loved something that wasn't  real

I have loved you

Let you have every bit of me

More of me that I've ever shared with anyone

My bad

I should've realized

The dream

The hope

The thing that all humans long for

Doesn't actually exist

Love

Love is a dream

You might have it for a moment

But that's all

The love that you have it's a fantasy 

It could never last

I realize now

That what we have is now a business deal

And I need to treat it as such

I need to let go of my childhood teenage fantasies

Of an all consuming love

I realize now it never existed