Gratitude

On this day of thanks, I find myself reflecting upon the things I am thankful for in my life.
As we all do (or should).

I am grateful for:

• My health (I'm still alive after having melanoma 3 years ago).
• A successful business.
• The sunshine.
• The flowers.
• My sisters.
• My friends.
• Still having my parents.
• My smart & lovely daughter.
• My brilliant & handsome husband and Master.

And finally,
The love of my husband and Master.

Ah, there it is.

My husband and Master loves me.
But wants the affection and sexual intimacy of other women.
He says he is not complete without this.
The total and complete bliss that once filled my heart and soul is gone.

I am so in love and would never tell him not to do what makes him happy.
He says it is like when he has other powerful experiences (i.e. public speaking, performing, etc.)
Well, to me, it most certainly is NOT the same.
On a mental level, I get it.
I get that he feels more energized by this experience and has more to give our relationship.

However, he may feel happier and fulfilled but I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness.
I am closed to him.
The happiness he wants to share with me is lost on me.
The walls around my heart that I willingly removed for him have returned.
Stronger and more impenetrable than ever before.

So what am I thankful for on this day of thanks?
I guess am grateful for still having defenses to protect my heart.
But really,
Nothing.