I was recently referred to as a radical monogamist.
I wasn't familiar with the terms so I asked what was meant.
This person said that I was fully and passionately in love with my Master/husband and he was the most exciting thing for me.
True.
But that I also was not opposed to having relationships/sex with others because my Master is the one that truly excites me.
Also true.
Anyone other than my Master was just 'condiments' to my sex life.
All this made sense to me as it was true for me.
However, I wanted to know more about this concept and hence, did research.
What I found was NOT the definition presented to me.
Most of what I found about radical monogamy states:
The Christian teaching about marriage is radical, unconditional monogamy.
OR
Radical monogamy being the rejection of even serial monogamy.
In between, is what is called serial monogamy.
The practice of engaging in a succession of monogamous sexual relationships.
Another in between, would be swinging:
A non-monogamous behavior in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.
And finally, we end up with polyamory:
The practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as "consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy".
One of the interesting things I read is that the polyamory community, by and large, refuses any definition that describes how poly works. In one sense, that is quite liberating and in another, quite frustrating when you are trying to navigate through your own experience.
The poly community likes to say they are open an welcoming to everyone. EXCEPT swingers. Many blogs and posts I find state things like:
Swingers tend of focus on compartmentalizing sex and feelings; they often believe that it is not possible to have feelings of attachment to more than one person at the same time.
It is sad really, that those that tell others to be tolerant of their choice of lifestyle are so militantly anti-swinger. What makes you so much better than others that practice their own form of consensual non-monogamy?
I'm not necessarily a monogamist but I find that my Master/husband is the one person that I have opened every bit of me to have and hold. I find that depth of connection the most exciting thing I have ever experienced.
Do I want other men (or women)? Maybe. I'm less excited about the people and more excited about how I could be with other men and have it please my Master. Do I want to have a relationship with these people? Sure, I want to at least like this person since my largest erogenous zone is between my ears and connecting on some level is the first step towards any relationship, sexual or otherwise. In the end though, having my Master push my boundaries by performing outside my comfort zone is the most exciting thing I could do for him (and me).
I find that it is not so black and white.
And who are the polys trying to kid? I mean, if you love someone and it is nonsexual, then you are close friends (I have several male and female friends like this). So, if you are calling yourself poly, then you intend to have sex with another person. Your level of like or love can vary greatly.
Who gave the poly community exclusivity to caring and friendship?
I found this essay good when it stated:
Polyamorists have an idea in their head of what "swinging" is, and it's not actually what most swinging is (although sometimes it is). Many swingers are mutual friends. Or become such. Or are looking for such. Or prefer such. And friendship is love. And wanting friendship is wanting love. And that's poly.
I guess you could say I've been a (sort of) serial monogamist most of my life. Married, divorced, serious, exclusive relationships (one of which included something between swinging and poly) and finally followed by marriage.
However, I'm NOT excited about my Master going off to fuck some other woman without me just to come home and want to tell me about it while smelling like her.
It doesn't excite me.
It freezes me.
It shuts any passion I have for him.
I shut the door of my heart on him.
No longer does he have access to my deepest emotions.
No longer do we have the depth of connection that we did.
So no, I guess I'm not a radical monogamist nor a polyamorist.
I'm something in the middle.
I find the middle of the road is a hard place to walk.
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