The anti-anxiety meds keep me from breaking down into a puddle of tears but also rob me of my personality. I'll also admit that I'm drinking more than I usually do. Something I'm not proud of. I'm not getting drunk per se, just having more than I usually do (3/4 glasses of wine instead of 2, 3 cocktails instead of 1/2).
The things I usually find joyful with leave me feeling, well, meh.
- I love growing my business and meeting new people to interact with but I know that I'm not coming across with the genuine enthusiasm that I used to have.
- I love to make music with my friends once a week but I've not attended a rehearsal in a month because I just can't face them. I can't face having to be 'happy' when I feel anything but happy.
- I love to knit and create new patterns and I haven't picked up the needles in weeks.
- I love cooking and trying new recipes. Ho hum.
- I love smelling the wind and the scent of the season (whatever it might be). I don't even notice it now.
I've lost my bliss and my joy.
I want it back.
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